game of thrones season 3 and life update


so, i am extremely excited for the third season of game of thrones to start on March 31st. although i’ve been extremely stubborn to finish the first two books before it starts. i’ve been reading the first one “a game of thrones” since the end of this past december and have yet to finish it. i kind of consider myself a little bit pretentious fan. simply because of the fact that i have yet to finish the first book, and continue on to the second and even third book. call it what you like, but if i was indeed a true game of thrones fan i would be reading vigorusly through these books like a border collie with a ball. (in other words, a one track mind to finish these books entirely)

But if there is one thing that i can openly admit about this series is that as evil as the Targaryens were, Daenerys Targaryen might be my pick for the Iron Throne. Yes, i know how ungodly bad that is since pretty much the majority of Game of Thrones fans cheer for Rob Stark’s win of the Iron Throne and to avenge his father Ned Stark’s death by killing king Joffery, i have a funny feeling that once Dany’s dragons are big enough and once she crosses the Narrow Sea. She will rain fire on King’s Landing and she will have her army of Dothraki men pretty much murder anyone who stands in her way of the Iron Throne. Although i’ve only seen seasons one and two and have only read the first book, i have a feeling that if she gets her way.. she will get what she is deserved.

Im also hoping now that my favorite Lannister ( dear lord please don’t hurt me for admitting this) Tyrion will wise up and leave King’s Landing now that his father Tywin has been named hand of the king to King Joffery. (end of season 2 after he kills most of Stannis Baratheon’s men when Stannis raided the shores of King’s Landing and attempted to take the throne since we all now know Joffery is just a slutty product of incest by his uncle Jaime and his cunt mother Cersei which makes him null-in-void to be the rightful new king)

Now we also have one HUGE problem north of The Wall… John Snow has been captured by the Wildlings. And now that part that worries me the most.

Smiles & Tears Rolled Into An Utter Mess


So it’s been a few days since i last wrote. & yes, this past weekend was amazing. But yet, these last few days have turned to such bullshit and such happiness.

So i come home Sunday to find out that Tyler (guy i previously wrote about) dumped the girl he was with, and now i’m talking to him again like were actually more than friends. Then again, that’s nothing but a far off hope and a wish; because i don’t honestly know if i can trust him ever again. Like tonight, he said he was working out. But honestly how do i know this!? And what? So now i’m finally good enough because she wasn’t? He’s the first guy i ever considered actually dating since Nick broke my heart into a million little pieces, yet he’s the second guy that’s hurt me since nick. Yet, now that this girl ended up being a crazy bitch now i’m suddenly good enough to be back in the picture?

What kills me the most about this entire situation is how UNGODLY FUCKING BAD i want him in my life.. He’s the one thing I’ve wanted this bad in so long, yet how do i learn to trust him again? What if he never actually dumped her and is just saying this shit because he feels sorry for me? What if he just puts me back in the friends zone and never considers me as anything more than just a friend or a “FWB” kinda situation? its that awkward situation that screams “I’m only here because she wasn’t good enough so you’ll settle for second best.” not, “She’s gone because i fucked up and should have realized what i had standing in front of me and it hurt knowing she wasn’t you..” 9 times out of 10, thats the case in all those movies about happiness and love. This isn’t a movie its reality and its 1 time out of 10. There isn’t really such a thing as love, or happiness, or truth, or trust.

Girls dream about how someday they’ll really find the one. Men like to crush those dreams and see us cry. To me, i just don’t believe that i can trust someone who puts me at second best. Whose to say there isn’t someone else out there? Whose to say now that i’m not second best, that there isn’t another girl out there who took my place and is now second best? it’s crap like this that keeps me up till the wee hours of the morning crying and praying to god to stop the tears. But you know what? He apparently doesn’t seem to hear them. Because its been over two years since i’ve had a decent relationship with someone who actually gave to shits about me. And YADA YADAH YADAH. Someone who says they love you after a week, is fucked up in the head and obviously i didn’t chase him down like tyler or nick. Because folks he was a fucking creep!

I guess not talking to someone for three hours is totally okay because you were working out… Okay.. so obviously im some kinda fatass for not working out for three hours.. WHO GIVES A FUCK!? We’ve had horrible fucking weather here today and to be honest are you really that stupid to drive somewhere to go work out?! If you go in the ditch you kinda deserve it, because the news has been saying all day STAY OFF THE ROADS UNLESS ITS AN EMERGENCY! But go figure, men are fucking morons and they don’t listen to the fucking shit.

Then again, for all i know maybe i’m over thinking this whole situation with tyler. What if he did just go home from working out and pass out? Then again what if i said something wrong and now he doesn’t wanna talk to me anymore? Its all a bunch of what if’s and to be honest idk what to do or think. All i know is that im sad.


amazing 🙂


Not the sensuous, bottom warming that peppers her skin and sets her sex afire.

She needs a Proper Spanking.  A spanking that will fix the problem!


She’s not been naughty.  Not really.  Not naughty in the way one might think.  It’s all about the P word.


She’s not done her accounts in many weeks.  Receipts and bits of paper lay scattered across the bed in her guest room/office.  The same is true of her desk.  It appears as though all the papers have had a jolly good party and simply passed out from too much dancing and too much alcohol, often times on top of each other.

In two short weeks her tax accountant expects a full and accurate report of her accounts from last year.  Every morning she stands, like a deer in headlights, staring down at the mess.  Or rather – messes.  After a few minutes she…

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So, in less than 15 hours i will be riding in a 88′ Jetta crossing my fingers we make it to the big city of Milwaukee. (which to be honest idk how much im looking forward to it anymore since i can’t seem to find a date..) but on the bright side, i don’t really know if i want a date.. simply because i’ll more than likely take some time and wander to a cafe or coffee shop or book store for a little while. simply just because i’d like to do a little wandering on my own. Although, as im laying in bed i keep staring at my closet wondering if i should start packing or not. & then yet again im not sure what i even wanna take with me. i know i’ll have to bring different pairs of shoes, coats,jeans, shirts. but the shit part is that all my epic fox riders co. clothes are dirty.. So that really cuts down my choices. but, then again who really gives a fuck if they are dirty… ugh i don’t feel like writing anymore… keep ya’ll posted on the shitshow that is this weekend 🙂

less than 24 hours till crazy hits an all time high

strippers and cocaine mikel style..


so i should probably explain the title of this blog post…. lol

so my best friend’s boyfriend said i should come down to Milwaukee with her this weekend. and when it comes to Mikel, we do it big. Although i know for a fact that there will be no cocaine, there might be a chance of strippers. lol and when molly and i drink, molly and i tend to be down to do crazy and stupid shit. When there’s booze and beer involved, we tend to let logic fly right out the window and let the morals out the other window…


So anyways, i know you folks don’t know much of mine and molly’s friendship.. so i’ll give you an example..





Yeah, so needless to say were kinda fucking weird. But its all good..


So yes, as you can tell molly and i are pretty much sisters from different misters. But to be honest, were two very different girls. I’m the hardcore tom-boy who wears makeup and camo and loves beer. Molly’s all for the flowers, lipstick and curling her hair, anything pink, and can down more vodka tonics than anyone i’ve ever met. To be honest, i think that’s what makes our friendship last.  We’ve been friends since the 7th grade, and to be honest if it wasn’t for Kristin (a girl who was my best friend for a very long time but we’ve really lost touch over the years) i wouldn’t know molly. We can go for half a year not talking and still pick up right where we left off six months before.


The hard part about molly tho, is that her boyfriend Mikel is my ex nick’s best friend. (YES! i made the amazing results mistake of introducing them, well actually me and nick did it but we honestly had no idea they’d end up together since the night they met they fought like small children) So from time to time, its a little awkward i have to admit. Because nick will be out with them and i’ll see him. But hey, who wouldn’t wanna see the guy they’ve been in love with for years when he’s drunk? (PS that’s the only way he talks to me, although he deleted me out of his phone.. #fuckinsadaboutthatpart) But then again the s#^ was fucking TERRIBLE! but that’s totally inappropriate for me to write on here.. then again I DON”T GIVE A FUCK!


Moving onto mine and molly’s crazy half fucked up and half drunk friendship. I’ve always said i could write a book about all the stupid ass shit we’ve done, and it could maybe make me a millionaire.  From the HIGHLY illegal, to just the downright fucking stupid shit we’ve done. From the good times to the bad, we’ve been through so much shit together.


Example A:




Yes folks thats right! I drink from time to time when i write this blog, what can i say there isn’t an excuse for it.. but it helps me to be much more open when it comes to certain shit.. But anyways..


Of all the words that are in the dictionary.. i honestly can’t think of one solid word that describes our friendship. In the years that I’ve known molly i can honestly say she is the reason i wear makeup, heels, and dress girly from time to time.  If it wasn’t for her (or Kristin  or for the fact that once puberty kicked in and wanted on boys) i probably wouldn’t be who i am today. & yes, i know girls go through there bullshit fights and don’t talk to each other ever again, but to be honest we can be pissed at each other for around 24 hours, and then were texting each other about all the bullshit going down or asking if the other wants to go out and get fucked up.. To REALLY honest, we always seem to make up if booze or beer is involved. I know we didn’t talk much senior year but that’s because our boyfriends went to two separate high schools and they were two opposites of the type of guy spectrum, but we came back together and we nearly burned our city to the ground once we turned 21.. And we’ve pretty much been hanging out every other day since the spring of 2010. I can honestly admit i don’t think we’ve gone more than a month of not talking since then. But since that one or maybe two months that we weren’t speaking much, i don’t think we’ve gone more than a week without hanging out. and when we did, one of us would text the other one saying how much we missed the other. But i’m going to run off on my readers (okay the two of u.. if im lucky..) and head out for a cruise with the molly-moe.. DEUCES ❤

Sunday, January 20th 2013


So I guess you could say the weekend was quite crazy, but was so much fun. I went out with Jake Friday night, then ended up deciding to drive up to Cj Strange’s in Wallace, Michigan. Cj was the guy who i spoke of in my last entry (A New Boy In My Life). To be honest, this entry will explain simply, that he is no longer the new boy in my life…

Right now, i’m feeling that it was a waste of time. After 20 minutes of being home, i still hadn’t heard from him. Nor did he text me back the entire car ride home.

I then proceeded to post a somewhat mean facebook status, and i’m now regretting it. I’m thinking he might have read it. He also seemed to have been rushing me out the door, and yet he kept calling me babes. When I went to leave he jumped up and made a point to give me a hug and kisses. So in a way, he either DOES want something, or he just got what he wanted out of me and didn’t give a shit that i was leaving.

So if you’re wondering how i feel, well that is an easy answer… I’m on the fence, with walls to the sky, with guards in steel armor. That aren’t to be messed with. I guess that’s a price that I have to pay, for being such an open book, and an open hearted person. As opposed to being a prude, cold hearted bitch. I guess once again, I let myself out of my comfort zone, and for all I know, it could have blown up in my face.

So, the first time I texted Cj was at 1:34 p.m, The second time was at 2:13 p.m. Then, he finally decided to text me back at 2:25 p.m. When he texted me back, i was honestly surprised.

I still feel like if i don’t keep trying to talk to him, that he won’t give a fuck and will let it happen.  That he won’t keep talking when i don’t talk to hi8m. Like, he won’t fight to try and keep me around.


Anyways, so i think i might want to start defining words that describe or fit situations in my life in my posts. So i could start with a few words that describe the weekend. Or just the words that fit my feelings.

  1. Despair (VERB) Giving up hope.
  2. Abandon – (NOUN) Careless disregard for consequences.
  3. Conviction – (NOUN) Guilty sentence; assurance.
  4. Creed – (NOUN) Belief, Principles.
  5. Sadness – (NOUN) Unhappiness, depression.
  6. Inkling – (NOUN) Idea, Clue. 
  7. Tiresome – (ADJECTIVE) Irritating, exasperating.
  8. Distressing – (ADJECTIVE) Upsetting.
  9. Deception – (NOUN) Misleading, being dishonest.
  10. Depart – (VERB) Leave, retreat.
  11. Wild-Goose Chase – (NOUN) Hopeless case. [Synonyms: Bootless errand, Fool’s errand, Lost cause, Merry chase, & Red herring.]
  12. Perjurer – (NOUN) Liar.
  13. Backslide – (VERB) To fall back into bad habits.
  14. Burn – (VERB) {a.} Feel stinging pain. {b} Be excited about; yearn for.

Its weird, how such small, medium, or large words can have such a defining resonance in the way things are going in my life.


So i tried talking to CJ, but he is acting weird now. I know what the texts say, I don’t need to read them. Some bullshit excuse as to why he doesn’t want to get to know me more.

I was right!!! He doesn’t trust me, and doesn’t see it going anywhere!! WOW! Now i’m officially HURT. I guess when it comes to trust, i’m fresh out. To be honest, i’m done trying to find someone for a while. Maybe someday, CJ will realize what he let go of, and what it could have been; but i can only hope. Then again who knows, maybe hope will prevail, but in the past trials it doesn’t seem to work. So to be honest, I don’t have an ounce of faith in the idea of finding someone.

I mean, out of everyone I’ve met online and who have ended things abruptly; CJ is the one who hurt me the most. I guess because I was open to him, but to be honest i should have known that this would have happened.

I’m sitting here, wondering what I could have done, to make CJ not want me, and to be honest, i don’t have a clue as to what it was.

On a better note, i’m really enjoying my list of words. I may or may not try writing a poem with all of them, but to be honest i don’t know if i really feel like it. I have only 14 words, but there all pretty good words to use for describing my feelings. I have 8 nouns (Abandon, Conviction, Creed, Sadness, Inkling, Deception, Wild-Goose Chase, and Perjurer.) 4 verbs, (Despair, Depart, Backslide, and Burn.) and 2 adjectives, (Tiresome and Distressing).

Actually, i think I could add to this list quite a bit. I could sit and write a list of words 5 miles long, of all the words and all the ways that describe how I feel about life at this moment in time. 


Anyways, Molly and I hung out and went to B-Dubs. We ran out of gas, so Jake came and helped us. Its always good to have a gay friend whose willing to help you when you need them!

So, because i can’t think of anything else to write, I’ll add more words to the list…


  1. Kindle – (VERB) Excite, incite.
  2. Desolate – (ADJECTIVE) {a} Unused, barren. {b} Depressed, despondent.
  3. Belligerent – (ADJECTIVE) Nasty, argumentative.
  4. Bedlamite – (NOUN) Insane person, lunatic.
  5. Hemorrhage – (VERB) Bleed
  6. Defect – (VERB) Break from belief, faith.
  7. Blemish – (NOUN) Flaw.
  8. Bane – (NOUN) Cause of misery
  9. Affliction – (NOUN) Hurt condition; something that causes hurt.
  10. Dive – (NOUN) Descent, usually underwater.
  11. Acrimony – (NOUN) Nasty behavior, speech.
  12. Disengage – (VERB) Free from connection.
  13. Burn-Off – (VERB)  Burn off energy.
  14. Boundless – (ADJECTIVE) Great extent, immeasurable.
  15. Letdown – (NOUN) The emotion felt when one’s expectations are not met.
  16. Romanticize – (VERB) To represent or think as better than reality.
  17. Cast – (VERB) To get rid of.
  18. Stifle – (VERB) To refrain from openly showing or uttering.

A New Boy In My Life



So there’s a new guy in my life… 

I’ve recently met a guy who i’ve been talking to for the last week or so. His name is CJ and he drives truck for a place out of Peshtigo, WI, athough he lives in Wallace, MI. He’s 28 years old, and lives in his own home. He also has taken over his father’s scrap metal business since he unfortunately passed right after christmas this last year.

We met up on Wednesday night and i picked him up from his semi in de pere. We ended up going to Texas Road House for dinner, and we had a blast after just driving around green bay for a few hours. He also said that he’d put gas in my car for me picking him up from his semi (which i told him was no big deal). He ended up putting like 30 dollars in gas in my car. Which was a surprise, because i wasn’t expecting him to put that much in.

So anyways that date was 2 days ago, and we’ve been talking every single day since. He was on a run to Ohio last night, and he pretty much texted me the entire way down there, and then until he fell asleep last night when he parked. Its nice, because we pretty much just talk about nothing and we can still talk for hours upon end. Which is weird, because i haven’t had that with someone; and to be honest i don’t think i’ve ever had that with anyone i’ve ever dated in my entire life.

So in other words, yes i’m happy at the moment. I just hope things don’t change for this new happy feeling in my heart, because i’d be sad to see him go away.

Another Day, Another Rant & Rave


So i’ve been trying very hard to get into this whole online journal thing… And to be quite honest it’s a lot harder than i thought it would be. I remember when i was younger, i could write in a journal for hours upon end. About nothing of any importance, or about things going on in the world. I can remember when i wrote in my journal about the miners that were trapped in that mine in Chile, which is weird because as an adult i never write about the current events in motion. Maybe because when were children we tend to want to write about things like that, and as adults maybe we don’t feel the need to. Idk once again im rambling….


So anyways……

I’ve been doing the online dating website for a while now, and i’ve meet some pretty interesting men on there. Including my weird friend AJ who is so bad at hiding that he’s in love and obsessed with me. Its weird how i wanted a nice guy, and ended up with someone whose too much like me its exotically creepy.. And then there’s Eric, whose now suddenly all interested in me again… Why im not sure but he tells me he needs me in his life and im like “You really expect me to believe your bullshit when we slept together for like two weeks then you just randomly stop talking to me?” I JUST DON’T GET IT!!?  Why is it that a guy can sleep with you for a while, then just stop talking to you and then even before he quits talking to you goes and deletes you on facebook? Please… explain to me how you ever had good intentions in the first place.. because i just don’t see it..

I guess in the world of men there are lots of things that i just don’t understand. 

i’ll make a list…. lol


  1. How is it okay to take a girl out on a date then expect her to sleep with you because you bought her dinner?
  2. Why does every single guy in this world always say “I’m not like other guys” when its a lie to begin with… (although this is more of a deeper subject, as to say i should go into detail when i talk about this subject… What i mean by this is that you all have something in common, whether its ex girlfriend drama, or the types of movies you like, or the beer you drink, or the cars you prefer, or even your height. You all have something in common with someone else in this world. I know this sounds like a total rant, but to be honest its just what i mean when i say “you lie when you say you have nothing in common with or aren’t like other guys… because in one way or another there are small insignificant ways that you truly are like other guys.. ” I guess thats me just being nit-picky but hey… don’t people say ‘Whatever helps you sleep at night?’)
  3.  Why do guys say they don’t care about looks when after you’re done with them they go and date someone and tell there friends “She’s so much hotter than my ex…”
  4. Why can’t a man just grow a set of balls and tell it like it is and NOT BEAT AROUND THE BUSH OVER AND OVER AGAIN!? (To me its like ripping off a band-aid… Don’t sit and dick with it because it irritates the skin and pulls the hair out.. Just quick rip the band-aid off and get it over with… I’d rather you come out and say what you have to say then take days to get to the point…)
  5. If a girl is talking to you… (i.e flirting, sending cute pics, etc.) Why wouldn’t you assume that she might have a thing for you? And why would you hold off on telling her if your into someone else? Why wouldn’t you just say it right away? (I spent the last few weeks talking to a guy who i spent time with this summer right after my ex Nick & i broke up. At that moment in time i wasn’t ready to get into a relationship with someone because i still loved nick very much. And i just wasn’t willing to try and love someone when i was still in love with nick. So Tyler and i started talking again new years eve, or sometime right before that im not quite sure. But anyways, i was actually starting to feel ready that i was FINALLY READY to move on from nick. And i had tyler in mind, because we had been talking so much… but i come to find out saturday, that he’s into someone else… Now note, he’s sent me some dirty pictures of himself [no not penis pics but just half naked pics] and was sending me dirty texts and such things like making plans and telling me how much he missed me and wanted to cuddle me while i was in the hospital.. Now all of a sudden he’s into someone, and he “claims” he didn’t know what i wanted out of him… WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!?)
  6. When a couple breaks up, how come its okay for one to call when there shit faced and when the other calls them when their shit faced and its not okay WHATSOEVER? (and then when you text them about something serious like a death in the family or something like that they can’t even text you back? Like when i was in the hospital last week, i texted my ex saying i was at St. Vincent’s Hospital… and who do you think he asked what happened…. my best friend… simply because she dates his best friend…. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU THAT YOU CAN’T SIMPLY BE A MAN AND SOBERLY TALK TO ME!?)
  7. I don’t get how guys can go days without talking to their girlfriends, you say you love someone very much but then you can’t even ask us how our day was or what we have planned for that night? even if you don’t want to hang out you should at least PRETEND to be interested in our lives outside of our relationship..
  8. Why is it that we can’t check up on you while your out with YOUR friends just to make sure you morons haven’t gotten so ungodly drunk none of you can drive, or anything like that.. But when we dont answer.. its like world war 3? (Yes, i understand that boys go out with their friends and want to drink and have a good time and not have to worry about anything. There are girls yes that want to know exactly what your doing who your with and shit like that at all times.. yadda yadda yadda… but then there are girls like me who just wanna know if your having fun or if anyone might get arrested. Or send me a pic of one of your buddies getting denied at the bar… because to be honest if im dating someone i wanna get in good with his friends because its that weird element that i have..)



I know i could keep writing on and on about this.. maybe one of these days i’ll add to the questions list..